It’s easy to agree with the fact that receiving negative feedback is necessary for professional growth. Only by finding out other’s perceptions of your performance can you make the appropriate tweaks and changes.
Only by finding out other’s perceptions of your performance can you make the appropriate tweaks and changes. Asking for feedback is an invaluable learning tool that, as this Harvard Business Review article points out, we should use as a coaching device.
At the end of one of our Red Shoe Movement webinars, Jess, one of the participants, asked: “How could I get my colleagues to tell me the negative things, not only the positive things?”
It’s not always easy to get people to give you useful feedback. As a matter of fact, we could almost divide people in two groups. Those ready to commit honesticide (homicide by honesty) who would tell you the harshest truth without regard for the consequences, and those who’d rather protect the relationship and hold back telling you anything they’d think could offend you.
The thing is, the second group could be your best ally in fulfilling your career goals. If they shared with you opportunities of improvement you could accelerate your growth. The secret lies in knowing how to ask for feedback.
The art of asking for feedback
Asking for feedback and getting all the feedback is an art. Because you must convey that you want to hear the truth and that you are not fishing for compliments. And the art is not only in asking for feedback but also in giving feedback. Revealing useful information even when it’s negative without sounding critical requires walking a fine line.
Here are a couple of examples that will help you move from receiving purely positive feedback to one that includes some negative aspects you can work on.
Strategies to ask for negative feedback
Q— What did you think of my participation on the panel?
A— Wonderful! You had great energy up there!
Q— Is there something I could’ve done differently to be more impactful?
A— Well, perhaps you could’ve highlighted a bit more your team’s participation in reaching the goals.
Q— Ok. Anything else you would’ve done if you had been in my place?
A— Mmmm… Maybe I would’ve avoided making a joke about how badly women drive. I know it was a joke but it’s a stereotype and some people found it offensive.
Q— I’d like you to give me feedback on my performance and areas where I could improve.
A— You’ve grown a lot in the last six months and you’ve taken risks that have exposed you to new experiences. I think you’re on the right path.
Q— Thanks! It’s true that I’ve grown a lot but I have the impression that some of my colleagues don’t feel comfortable with me and I can’t figure out why. What am I missing?
A— Not sure what you’re referring to…
Q— They don’t ask me to take part in their projects and although they are very diplomatic with me, something is off. What have you noticed? What have you heard them say about me? It would really help me understand their perception of me to make any necessary changes.
A— Well, sometimes you come across as very critical of others. I’m not sure it’s because you have high expectations or why but people resent it when you seldom have a word of recognition for a job well done yet you always have a critical comment at the ready.
Q— Ah… thanks for your honesty. Sometimes, I think my biggest contribution to the team is to notice what doesn’t work. You know, what works well already works. It’s a mistake on my part.
The secret of getting this kind of more nuanced feedback is to be vulnerable and dig beyond the initial comments. Make the person feel comfortable enough with you so they take the risk of sharing any negative feedback that they anticipate you taking too hard. And of course the second secret is that this exercise only works if you don’t become defensive. The moment you start denying what you’re hearing, you can be sure that person will never talk to you honestly again.
Asking for feedback has so many advantages that once you get a grip on it you’ll see how fast you identify opportunities to continue your development.
