How to deal with people who are jealous of your success

Don’ t waste energy in people who are jealous of your success. Learn how to deal with them in a positive way: Help them achieve their own success! Read how!

The closer two people are in age, education and background, the more competitive they can be with each other. Look around: people jealous of your success tend to be your peers and even your siblings.

It’s sad but true. People jealous of your success are often your closest relatives, friends and colleagues. People you grew up with, who had the same chances of success you did, who see themselves reflected in you. Those who wonder, “why her and not me?” That’s why high school reunions are so tough on mostly everyone, except those who made it big. All attendees are the same age, went to the same high school, lived in the same neighborhood…

The cheerleader who put on thirty pounds and at forty works as a cashier in the local fast food restaurant will probably avoid the reunion, choosing instead to keep the memories of the good old times. But if she went, she’d probably be among the people jealous of your success because she could have made it but she didn’t.

The closer two people are in age, education and background the more competitive they can be with each other. Photo Credit: the healhtsite.com

The closer two people are in age, education and background the more competitive they can be with each other.
Photo Credit: the healhtsite.com

What to do with people who are jealous of your success at home

It may be harder to deal with sibling rivalry (usually more severe between siblings of the same gender) than with people jealous of your success in the office. You can change jobs but you can’t change sisters. Yet, if your sister is one of the people jealous of your success who makes you feel inadequate, it’s time to take action.

Think about this—Unless you are among the very few lucky people who made it to the top with little work and less talent, I’m sure you worked hard for your success. So you deserve it and there’s no need (or room) to apologize for it. That doesn’t mean that your sibling (cousin or close girlfriend) didn’t work hard. She may be working as hard as you but not getting results. The best antidote? Help her! It’s harder for people jealous of your success to continue feeling that way if you help them achieve their goals.

But if, after you spend a substantial amount of time helping your sister or your friend with her goals, you don’t see her attitude change, it may be time to take a step back. Back and away from her. People who are jealous of your success can bring toxic energy into your life. Sharing less with them about your success may be the best way to protect yourself from their negative vibes.

Best antidote against people who are jealous of your success? It's hard to remain envious of someone's success if they are helping you achieve your own!

It’s hard to remain envious of someone’s success if they are helping you achieve your own!

Other Helpful Resources – For More How to Deal with People Jealous of Your Success Tips

What to do with people jealous of your success at work

Now professional jealousy is a whole different ballgame. Dealing with people jealous of your success at work can be tough for many reasons. These people may be your boss, they may undermine your work by bad mouthing you, they may try to ruin your next promotion, and so on. So here are a few tactics to minimize their impact:

  •  Be as inclusive as possible. This means offer team members plenty of chances to be part of your projects. When you succeed, they succeed.
  • Offer others opportunities for high visibility and recognition. (If you’re organizing an event, ask them to co-host it or to say a few words to the audience.
  • Praise their work in front of their bosses and supervisors. (Find real things worthy of your praise so it feels very real.)
  • Thank them for the part they play in your success. (Maybe this is the reason actors thank a long list of people when they receive an Oscar? To make sure jealous people won’t spoil their happiness?)
Following the 7 Red Shoe Movement Principles may be a wonderful way to change the dynamics with people who are jealous of your success

Following the 7 Red Shoe Movement Principles may be a wonderful way to change the dynamics with people who are jealous of your success

At times it may be impossible to mitigate the feelings of people who are jealous of your success. After all, you can only control how you feel and what you do with those feelings. Unfortunately, there will always be unhappy individuals who, rather than focus on what they could be doing different to achieve career success, spend their time and energy envying others. It may be wiser to work on how you react to jealousy rather than on how to make people who are jealous of you see the light.

Understanding that their jealousy speaks more about who they are than about you is a great place to start. Remember: Never let jealous people stand in the way of your success.

Note: The 7 Red Shoe Movement Principles poster can be purchased to display at the office and encourage more women to support each other.

Communication Styles That Won’t Carry You Up the Ladder

There may be different classifications of communication styles but experts agree that nothing beats the assertive style when it comes to effective communication skills

There’s no way around it: If you are looking to achieve career success you must have effective communication skills. Regardless of whether you’re more on the extrovert or introvert end of the personality spectrum nothing will help you fulfill your goals as much as your connections with others. Leadership model after leadership model continues to point to a simple fact— People give opportunities to those they know and trust. So learning about different communication styles will aid you in identifying your style and to assess how well it’s serving you. The next step is to tweak whatever is not working in your favor.

Main classification of styles of communication

The Small Business Administration (SBA) identifies three communication styles: Aggressive, Passive and Assertive. Other groups identify four (aggressive, passive-aggressive, passive and assertive) or six styles (these four plus submissive and manipulative.) But the truth is the SBA’s chosen three communication styles may very well be the large buckets where you can dump all the others. It’s important to know the general characteristics of these three main communication styles as they are similarly defined by most experts. Here are the key points from the SBA’s definitions.

Communication styles 101

What is your communication style?

What is your communication style?

Aggressive

General Characteristics

  • Poor listener
  • Has difficulty seeing the other person’s point of view
  • Monopolizes conversation
  • Achieves goals at others’ expense
  • Domineering, bully
  • Condescending, sarcastic

Behavior

  • Puts others down
  • Think they are always right
  • Bossy

Nonverbal Cues

  • Points, shakes finger
  • Squints eyes critically
  • Glares or stares
  • Rigid posture
  • Critical, loud, yelling tone of voice

Verbal Cues

  • Verbally abusive
  • Use commands like: “You must,” “Don’t ask why, just do it”

Passive

General Characteristics

  • Low self-esteem
  • Indirect, hesitant
  • Always agrees
  • Doesn’t speak up
  • Apologetic, self-conscious
  • Trusts others to make decisions for self
  • Doesn’t express own wants and feelings, so they usually don’t get what they want

Behaviors

  • Tries to avoid conflict
  • Clams up when feeling treated unfairly
  • Asks permission unnecessarily
  • Complains instead of taking action
  • Lets others make choices of self
  • Has difficulty implementing plans

Nonverbal Cues

Fidgets

  • Lack of facial animation
  • Smiles and nods in agreement
  • Downcast eyes, slumped posture
  • Low volume, meek

Verbal Cues

  • Monotone, low energy
  • Passes on opportunities they believe others are better suited for: “It’s better if you do it.” “You have more experience than me”
  • Self doubt: “I can’t…”

Assertive

General Characteristics

  • Effective, active listener
  • States limits, expectations
  • States observations, not labels or judgments
  • Expresses self directly, honestly, and as soon as possible about feelings and wants
  • Checks on others feelings
  • Non-judgmental
  • Trusts self and others, confident
  • Self-aware
  • Open, flexible, versatile, sense of humor
  • Decisive, proactive

Behavior

  • Operates from choice
  • Action-oriented, realistic in their expectations
  • Takes appropriate action toward getting what they want without denying rights of others
  • Firm
  • Fair, just
  • Consistent
  • Nonverbal Cues
  • Open, natural gestures, relaxed posture
  • Attentive, interested facial expression
  • Direct eye contact
  • Varied rate of speech, expressive

Verbal Cues

  • “I choose to…”
  • “Let’s review our options”
One of your biggest assets is having effective communication skills

One of your biggest assets is having effective communication skills

Effective communication skills make “assertive” king among communication styles

When you look at the characteristics of people with an assertive communication style you can tell that they are good at establishing and nurturing relationships. They are confident, trustworthy, open, sensitive to others, and able to express their feelings and needs as they occur. All of this contributes to them being great people to work with. They are good problem-solvers who can get into action right away. And because they can take into consideration everyone’s needs, they also tend to be good negotiators.

For women, there’s a fine line between the assertive and the aggressive communication styles though. Attitudes that would be perceived as assertive when expressed by a man may be perceived as aggressive when expressed by a woman. How to change that perception? Use the empathy advantage recently discussed in Mariela Dabbah’s blog on Engaging men in gender initiatives. Women can easily sprinkle their attitude with empathy to tone down that misperception. For example, instead of raising your voice to command authority, make eye contact, smile, and make a strong statement that addresses the feelings of the other person. And remember to avoid raising your tone at the end as if you were asking a question. “I know you rather not re-write the report but as it stands it doesn’t make the case we are trying to present to the client. And in the end, our goal is to keep the client happy because the client pays our salaries. So please re-write it with the parameters we discussed earlier.”

There's a fine line between women being perceived as aggressive and as assertive. Find yours! Photo Credit: dreamstime.com

There’s a fine line between women being perceived as aggressive and as assertive. Find yours!
Photo Credit: dreamstime.com

Being assertive means you ask for what you want rather than expect people to give it to you. It means you’re able to clearly express your value for the company you work for, and that you are at ease talking about your achievements in a powerful way. It means you know your rights and the rights of others and are able to stand for them in a non-confrontational way.

Negative impact in your career of aggressive and passive communication style

People with low self-esteem either assume one of two styles: A passive stand and fade in the background giving up being themselves, allowing others to make decisions for them, and keeping their feelings inside while the frustration and resentment built up until it comes out in inappropriate ways. Or they assume an aggressive stand abusing others verbally, showing impatience, anger, hostility and the constant need to win every argument. Both styles tend to push people away. Nobody likes a pushover (passive) or a bully (aggressive). They are not productive styles of communication to aim for. So if you see yourself reflected on either one of these, take some time to evaluate the price you may be paying.

Situations when a good dose of passive or aggressive style is needed

Few people have one of these communication styles 100% of the time. And as a matter of fact there are situations in which even people with Assertive styles demonstrate effective communication skills by adopting some of the traits of the Aggressive or Passive styles.

The people with most effective communication skills have an assertive communication style. It's the perfect balance between your needs and the needs of others.

The people with most effective communication skills have an assertive communication style. It’s the perfect balance between your needs and the needs of others.

Here are some examples of good use of aggressive style

  • When a quick decision is needed
  • When you participate in any sort of competition
  • When facts are critical and you have them right

And here are examples of good use of passive style

  • When emotions are running high and it benefits everyone to calm down
  • When you have considerable less power than the person you are negotiating with
  • When circumstances are impossible to change (regulations, laws, etc.)

If your goal is to continue to move up the career ladder you should strive for an assertive communication style while remaining flexible enough to adopt the aggressive or passive styles when appropriate. It’s by far the most productive way to develop the relationships needed for growth.

Best Collection of Low Self Esteem Quotes to Shake the Blues

In a time when everyone’s seeking inspiration low self esteem quotes are among the most sought after quotes on the Internet. We bring you the most inspiring ones!

Judging from how popular low self esteem quotes have become, you’d think thousands of people (the majority of them, women) are having a self-esteem crisis. Which may not be an absurd possibility when you consider how many women are trying to reconcile themselves with expectations of a changing society. The struggle to achieve work-life balance is a stressful one and it can impact your self-esteem pushing you in search of inspiring low self esteem quotes.

Definition of self-esteem

According to Wikipedia, “self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It’s a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude towards the self.”

Create your own low self esteem quotes

When you allow your internalized judge to constantly criticize you for how poorly you’re doing in the various areas of your life, or how bad you look, how stupid you are, and so on, you contribute to keeping yourself in an unproductive place. Instead, you’d feel better if you turned off the negative thoughts and replaced them for things you love about yourself.

Many women resort to reading a dose of low self esteem quotes to pump themselves up and start their day. How about creating your own low self esteem quotes? Here’s how:

  1. Create a list of unique things about you and things that make you different.
  2. Then incorporate the items on the lists in low self esteem quotes that you can print and post around your home and workplace (in areas where only you can see them.) For example: When I think I’m not as smart as my colleague I forget that I’m a powerful listener. I can solve any problem by listening carefully to those involved.

Reading a daily dose of low self esteem quotes

Reading a few low self esteem quotes before starting your day is like drinking a cup of coffee. It gives you fuel to kick off your engine. While you work on improving your low-self esteem (and perhaps you should consider talking to a coach, mentor or therapist) you may need to take a break at lunch and in the afternoon to review a few of your favorite low self esteem quotes. Eventually you will learn several of them by heart, which will come handy when you’re suddenly feeling a bout of insecurity dawn on you. You can repeat the low self esteem quotes internally to give yourself the boost of confidence you need at the right time.

Here are the best low self esteem quotes out there

To make your life easier, we’ve put together a collection of low self esteem quotes so you can bookmark this page and come back to it time and again or Pin to your Boards for when you need that little kick in the pants. Happy Pinning!

low self-esteem #quotes | Remember this quote when the next opportunity comes along. If you believe you can do it, you will!

Remember this quote when the next opportunity comes along. If you believe you can do it, you will!

 

Low self esteem quotes  Photo Credit: Carpathiandesign.com

Low self esteem quote
Photo Credit: Carpathiandesign.com

Truth! | Photo Credit: Someecards #low self esteem #quotes

Photo Credit: Someecards

 

Well behaved women rarely make history! Great quote to remember when you're doubting whether to take a risk! #low self esteem #quotes

Well behaved women rarely make history! Great quote to remember when you’re doubting whether to take a risk!

 

Remember Einstein's words when you judge yourself harshly in an area that is not your expertise!

Remember Einstein when you judge yourself harshly in an area that is not your expertise!

 

Watch out for the ongoing background noise in your head. You're listening to every word! #quotes

Watch out for the ongoing background noise in your head. You’re listening to every word!

Forget about your clothes. It's the confidence that makes you sexy! #self-esteem quotes

Forget about your clothes. It’s the confidence that makes you sexy!

 

Create a list of all the things that make you unique. Read it out loud every day.

Create a list of all the things that make you unique. Read it out loud every day.

 

Love yourself! Photo credit: Quotesvalley.com #quotes

Love yourself!
Photo credit: Quotesvalley.com

 

Remember to do identify what moves you, what gives you a purpose in life. Photo Credit: Found on Pinterest

Remember to do identify what moves you, what gives you a purpose in life.
Photo Credit: Found on Pinterest

 

Truth! #lifequotes

Stay away from people who lack confidence!

 

It's important to feel recognized at work so if you never are, you might consider moving on. However, never stop doing your best because you're not getting credit.  Photo Credit: quoteslife101.net

It’s important to feel recognized at work so if you never are, you might consider moving on. However, never stop doing your best because you’re not getting credit.
Photo Credit: quoteslife101.net

 

Go ahead, create a magnificent you!

You are responsible for your own creation of yourself. So go ahead, create a magnificent you!

 

You always have a choice: Live in the past or create a different future.

You always have a choice: Live in the past or create a different future.

 

Language is your most powerful tool. Use it to create a bright version of yourself! #MarielaDabbah

Language is your most powerful tool. Use it to create a bright version of yourself!

 

Go ahead, speak publicly, take that challenging job! Photo Credit: verybestquotes.com

Go ahead, speak publicly, take that challenging job!
Photo Credit: verybestquotes.com

 

Sometimes it's during the worst of times that you discover how strong you are. Don't wait.

Sometimes it’s during the worst of times that you discover how strong you are. Don’t wait.

Life Balance: 5 Ancestral Ways to Balancing Work and Family

Life balance seems impossible to achieve by career-driven women but it turns out our ancestral grandmothers have a lot to teach us about life balance, particularly about balancing work and family

Recently, Matt Lauer co-anchor of the TODAY show on NBC jumped into the life balance debate by asking CEO Mary Barra “Given the pressure at General Motors, can you do both [parenting and managing GM] well?”

Lauer’s question drew a lot of fire from men and women whom I believe were not critical of him bringing up the topic of life balance, but rather the disempowering way in which he asked it.

Mary Barra, CEO of GM weighs-in on the old-time issue of life balance and work life separation during interview with Matt Lauer Photo Credit: Time

Mary Barra, CEO of GM weighs-in on the old-time issue of life balance during interview with Matt Lauer Photo Credit: Time

He essentially asked Barra if she could do both jobs well, and therefore called into question her ability to do something she is clearly already doing.

In hindsight, perhaps Matt Lauer would agree with me when I say that he should have asked a far more empowering – and enlightening – question by asking Mary Barra how she both runs GM and is a good mother.

So, let’s give Mr. Lauer a “do over” by pretending he has just asked you to chime in on the work life separation debate by saying “You are an amazing woman. You excel at your job, you are a loving and present mother, and you look like a Greek goddess. How do you do it?”

Well, how do you do it? Some coaches and time management gurus advocate leaving work at the office and being totally present at home. They say if you can achieve near total work life separation, then you will have achieved the Holy Grail of work life balance. Do these people not have smartphones that bling and bleep so they tap the screen like lab rats hitting a food dispensing button?

If you have been able to achieve a balanced life, then I say to you what the alcoholics of AA say to one who is able to control his drinking – good for you! We wish you well and beg you to leave us some tips in the comments, below.

If, however, you are like the rest of us (one of whom is dictating this article to her smartphone while she drives to a family reunion), then you are already so deeply jacked into The Matrix that a balanced life feels impossible.

For the rest of this article, let’s assume that you check email during your children’s recitals, Facebook offers to tag your friends before you even think of them and your vacation auto-responder is a sham.

Work life separation is not a new issue. In fact, work and life did not even get separated until the industrial revolution! When humans walked the earth as hunter-gatherers, work and family were inextricably bound because if you didn’t gather enough tubers or kill enough animals with your DIY spear, you would be dead.

As an anthropology student at Emory University in the 90s, I was astonished to learn that pre-agricultural women provided up to 80% of their communities’ food, participated in “collective mothering,” and often carried their babies while they gathered food or built shelters. So much for work life separation!

Let’s look at some strategies pre-agricultural women used to survive when work and life were impossible to separate and see if they can help us with our modern quest for life balance.

Life Balance and 5 Ancient Ways To Cope When Work Life Separation Feels Impossible

1 Worship the goddess

Stop trying to work like a man and start channeling Goddesses such as Guanyin, Hecate or Shakti. Step fully into your feminine powers of communication, empathetic leadership and consensus-building.

Achieve Life Balance | Worship the Goddess in you: Step fully into your feminine powers of communication, empathetic leadership and consensus-building Photo Credit: Shakti via WikiCommons

Worship the Goddess in you: Step fully into your feminine powers of communication, empathetic leadership and consensus-building Photo Credit: Shakti via WikiCommons

Next, push back on the bully of overwhelm by declaring yourself sovereign and take the time and space you need to enjoy life. You are not a victim, you are all powerful and valuable – treat yourself accordingly!

2 Live in a long house

Many pre-agricultural women lived together in one, long house and shared the work of rearing children. Think of a larger version of HBO’s “Big Love,” but while camping.

There is no shame in needing help outside your nuclear family! It’s actually the oldest tool in the mommy kit and it’s called “collective mothering.” Proudly embrace help like daycare, sitters, helpful neighbors and sleep away summer camp so you can both raise your kids and earn the money to feed them!

Want to achieve life balance? Live in a "long house" to tap into your support system.  Photo Credit: Doron via WikiCommons

Live in a “long house” to tap into your support system.
Photo Credit: Doron via WikiCommons

3 Ritualize your life

Ancient people didn’t have television, so they used their free time to create elaborate rituals to educate, stabilize and motivate the group. You, too, can use the power of ritual to lead your tribes.

At home, light a candle at mealtime, honor an accomplishment by serving dinner on a “red plate” or establish a special morning goodbye.

At work, celebrate accomplishments, host a weekly check-in with subordinates or “sundown” all smartphones at 9PM.

4 Teach others to shape shift

While most indigenous societies did have gender-specific division of labor, both girls and boys were taught all skills because, when it comes time to impale the impala, you can’t be picky about who holds the spear!

Insist that the men and boys in your clan not only know how to do housework, but that they actually do it.

This chapter of the Neanderthalic double burden on women so needs to be over!

5 Strap the baby to your back

It’s a snow day, the sitter is sick (again) and your husband is out of town. Don’t despair, just do what any self-respecting Kung, Inuit or Aboriginal woman would do: strap that baby to your back and get to work.

Interested in achieving life balance? Stop trying so hard to deal with work life separation. Strap the baby to your back!  Photo Credit: Shannon Falkenstein

Stop trying so hard to deal with work life separation. Strap the baby to your back!
Photo Credit: Shannon Falkenstein

There is no shame in bringing baby to work (as long as it is safe and your work culture supports it!) Indigenous children learn all about life and survival by accompanying their mothers and fathers in their day-to-day duties. Why not teach your children about work life by proudly bringing them along when necessary?

Let’s face it: work life separation was possible from about 1750 until the invention of the beeper, but now it is not. And that’s ok. And like Mary Barra and the long line of grandmothers before us, most women use modern and ancient ways to achieve life balance so that we can be present and loving mothers, excel in our careers and somehow manage to look like Greek goddesses – even with a baby tied to our backs.

The Best Women Supporting Women Quotes? Here they are!

Women supporting women quotes are hard to find yet critical to change the conversation on the topic. Here are the best and a challenge for you to submit one!

Given that our motto is “Women supporting women for career success,” it was only a matter of time before we collected the best women supporting women quotes. You wouldn’t believe our surprise when we realized that there weren’t that many great messages out there. (We found lots of great low self esteem quotes, though.) We wonder if it has to do with the old idea that women aren’t each other’s best supporters of with the fact that people don’t think women supporting women quotes are even necessary.

Always remember to extend one hand up and one down the ladder #MarielaDabbah women supporting women quotes

Always remember to extend one hand up and one down the ladder

Why women supporting women quotes matter

We beg to differ with those who don’t believe women supporting women quotes are important! In this age of everything-is-better-if-it’s a shareable quote we need powerful ones that encourage mutual support. We need new messages that help change the perception that women allow jealousy, envy, or other such feelings get the best of us when it comes to supporting other women. We need to actively change the public discourse and as silly as it may sound, flooding social media with women supporting women quotes is an effective way to contribute to that goal.

Be a visionary yourself. Support other women's career success! #MarielaDabbah women supporting women quotes

Be a visionary yourself. Support other women’s career success!

Challenging you to create women supporting women quotes

So we are putting out a challenge. We have decided to become a repository of awesome women supporting women quotes, the place where you can go to cheer you up when you need an extra dose of confidence. Or when you are looking for something to share with a colleague, a friend, or your sister.

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

We invite all of you to submit your women supporting women quotes to info@redshoemovement.com. We will share the best ones via our Red Shoe Movement social media platform. We will also create future blogs with this topic where we will continue to feature the best of the best women supporting women quotes. What are you waiting for? Send us your women supporting women quotes now!

Best women supporting women quotes