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Climbing the ladder: What women don’t know

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Why aren’t more women climbing the ladder at corporations and organizations of all kinds? It’s the million-dollar question. If you really want to change the status quo, read on!

We’ve been debating this question for a long time. Mostly because it’s unfathomable that so little change has happened in decades. Are women not climbing the ladder because of a personal decision or because of organizational biases?

Climbing the ladder: Three responsible categories, not two!

Let’s look first at two, broad categories that most commonly take the blame for making it hard for women climbing the ladder.

Organizational responsibility 

There is an array of factors that deliberately or inadvertently impact the number of women at the top in a negative way. These include barriers such as unwritten rules, policies, expectations, and perceptions of what constitutes leadership potential, executive presence, etc.

For instance:

  • Often, women are not offered advice or training on business, financial and strategy which is key to reach the highest levels of an organization.

    Often, women are not offered advice or training on business, financial and strategy which is key to reach the highest levels of an organization.

    Expectations that in order to reach the C-suite you must be available 24/7. Or work late every night to entertain clients.

  • Expectations that women are still mostly responsible for family matters.
  • Perceptions of men being more competent or having more executive presence.
  • Regular skepticism, push back and challenges of women’s ideas and competences.
  • Fill-in positions through recommendations of current executives in office. (These tend to be white men and have a network with a similar make-up.)
  • Value face-time in the office for promotions(penalizing people who are mobile.)

Personal responsibility

This group of factors includes your own behaviors and decisions that impact your career trajectory.

For example:

  • How assertive you are in your communication and leadership style.
  • How strong your network of sponsors is.
  • How hard and often you negotiate for yourself along your career.
  • How visible you and your accomplishments are to key people.
  • How comfortable you are taking risks.
  • How important other pursuits outside of your career are for you.

Now, in trying to figure out which of these two categories is more responsible for women not climbing the ladder, we keep pointing fingers with little visible results.

The truth is that here’s a third category that connects Organizational and Personal. One that we haven’t paid as much attention as it deserves. One that can really make the difference.

Joined Responsibility

Climbing the ladder requires women to leverage all their assets and know as much about the business of their organization as possible.

Climbing the ladder requires women to leverage all their assets and know as much about the business of their organization as possible.

This category is the space where both individual women and organizations share responsibility for more women not climbing the ladder. Due to the way in which organizations have traditionally perceived and promoted men and women, and social norms affecting both genders, some advice and training fell through the cracks. Companies didn’t offer it. Women didn’t ask for it.

This advice refers to the expectation that a person must have certain abilities in order to reach C-level. Advice that hasn’t been verbalized as often to women as to men. And women haven’t asked about it either. Here are the areas that may be holding you back at any level:

  • How focused you are in business outcomes. (Both the outcomes of your own role and on how they impact the overall outcomes of the business.)
  • How closely you align your role in the organization with the business strategy. (Can you answer why the company is paying your salary? Hint: Think of the “why” you do what you do.  Not the “what” it is you do.)
  • How much financial acumen you have. (Do you know how to affect the company’s bottom line within your own role? At any level, it’s important to understand how what you do affects the financials of the overall company.)
Check out Susan Colantuono’s brilliant book on this topic!

Mastering these three aspects will make it easier for women climbing the ladder to get to the very top. If you are a manager, supervisor or an executive, you may need to start sharing this type of advice with your subordinates. Offer them coaching and training programs to fill-in any gaps in knowledge. If you are an individual contributor, this is your call to action. Don’t let one more day go by without seeking help in this area. Here is a great, very inexpensive Business Foundations online course, taught by Wharton Business School.

It's important to understand how your role supports the overall business strategy.

It’s important to understand how your role supports the overall business strategy.

As women, we already have many of the advantageous characteristics that make for a successful 21st Century executive. Make sure you don’t overlook the business, financial, and strategic abilities that are taken for granted at higher levels. You may not have thought about them much along the way and they may be the one thing that’s holding you back.

 

 

 

 

 

Cross Cultural Mentoring: Mentoring 2.0!

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Cross cultural mentoring relationships offer unique opportunities to broaden perspectives and reduce unconscious biases. Here’s how they work.

Given the rapid changes in workforce demographics, understanding the potential challenges and opportunities created by a cross cultural mentoring relationship has become as critical as finding a compatible mentor.

Try cross cultural mentoring to receive insights into your unconscious biases.

Try cross cultural mentoring to receive insights into your unconscious biases.

The Blackwell Handbook of Mentoring defines cross cultural mentoring as “relationships where mentors and protégés differ on the basis of race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability, religion, socio-economic class, or other group memberships.” Note the definition goes beyond race and ethnicity to include other social factors that shape mentors and mentees values, beliefs, and behaviors. This broader, more comprehensive way to define cross-cultural mentoring is the core factor to identify the challenges and opportunities this new scenario presents.

Why is this important? Gaining a clear understanding of the dynamics of cross cultural mentoring provides a layer of information that could enrich the development and launch of mentoring programs and proactively address potential blind spots.

Challenges of Cross Cultural Mentoring 

Any type of mentoring relationship– from peer mentoring to a more formal set up (i.e. experienced and junior individuals)—will encounter the challenges of starting a new relationship. It takes time to develop and cultivate trust. Interactions between mentors and mentees are influenced by underlying biases, assumptions, and beliefs. When you add the element of culture to the mentoring experience, unforeseen challenges could emerge. Two challenges come to mind:

  • If you are looking for an honest cross cultural mentoring relationship, you definitely have to go beyond the food. But going out for a bite is a great way to get the conversation going!

    If you are looking for an honest cross cultural mentoring relationship, you definitely have to go beyond the food. But going out for a bite is a great way to get the conversation going!

    Biases and Assumptions. Research shows that every single individual has unconscious biases. The ability to be biased allows individuals to discern information and make decisions. Biases could jeopardize a cross cultural mentoring relationship when either mentor or mentee make wrong assumptions about each other because of their biases. For example, a mentee could assume that her mentor—because he is older—is less experienced and tech-savvy. A mentor could assume that her mentee is unfamiliar with American popular culture because she was born outside the U.S. Both circumstances could lead to condescending behaviors—also known as micro aggressions. Behaviors based on unfounded biases can take many forms. A senior leader in the financial services industry said when asked about her current mentee, “I don’t see her as Indian because she has no accent.”

  • Differences in values, beliefs and expectations. Historically, mentoring programs have relied on matching pairs who are as similar as possible. The logic was that people who are alike (i.e. same race, gender, ethnicity, etc.) would have a higher degree of fit and compatibility. Once pairs are matched, the focus shifts to setting expectations and goals. A mentoring pair that is cross cultural would benefit from taking a step back and learning what expectations and goals look like to each other individually. For example, an expectation is to have an open door policy. The mentee, however, places a high value on formal authority and believes that rank trumps any other directive. Her expectation is that the mentor will initiate communication despite the open door expectation. This could lead to frustration and create an unnecessary distraction if not addressed proactively.

Opportunities of Cross Cultural Mentoring

Ready to move to the next level of your career? Experience what it means to be supported by thousands of professionals like yourself!

Ready to move to the next level of your career? Experience what it means to be supported by thousands of professionals like yourself!

Despite potential challenges presented by a cross cultural mentoring relationship, there are opportunities to consider:

  • Perspective and mindset tune up. Engaging in a cross cultural mentoring relationship provides a rare opportunity to broaden perspectives and mindsets for both parties. The mentee—from the previous example–who identifies herself as Indian but has no accent could leverage that exchange to discuss with her mentor that the lack of accent does not determine her cultural affiliation. The mentor, in turn, has the opportunity to become aware of this bias of assigning an American identity to those with no accent.
  • Innovation partnership. When two people with different backgrounds are invested in a mentoring program, the benefits of mutual mentoring become clear. What a better chance to brainstorm on new ideas than with a trusted thinking partner. Building on the trust cultivated through comparing and contrasting their beliefs and assumptions, mentors and mentees could strengthen their bond by directing their conversations to topics beyond career advancement and office politics. They could consult each other on business issues. Their different perspectives become a potential asset to fuel out-of-the box solutions.

Engaging in an effective cross cultural mentoring experience (HBR: Race Matters) goes beyond going out for mojitos or Thai food. Cross-cultural mentoring not only offers the opportunity to learn about others perspectives and expand your own. It also helps mentors and mentees become more agile in their thinking as decision makers and leaders.

Coaching and Mentoring: Key Tools for Growth!

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It was easy to see that some early coaching and mentoring would’ve benefited the mid-career woman who shared her story with the audience.

Jen, (not her real name) was visibly moved when she got up towards the end of our recent RSM Signature event to share: “I chose the “Discover Your Passion” session because I was confused. I had six different passions and I didn’t know how to choose one. But the group helped me see that all my passions where actually under one umbrella and now I can look for an opportunity where I can pursue that passion.”

MetLife 2015 RSM Signature event participants clapping during Q&A session

There’s amazing mutual mentoring going on at all our RSM events!

It was exactly the kind of insights participants of our programs discover yet, very revealing of a reality many women face (particularly those with diverse backgrounds) the lack of role models growing up and subsequent lack of career coaching and mentoring. Had Jen cultivated mentoring relationships early on in her career, she would’ve probably been much further along. Why? Because a good mentor would have helped her figure out what she was passionate about and would’ve helped her align her passion, interests, knowledge and skills with her career goals. And that alignment in itself proves to be extremely effective for career growth. Because we tend to prosper when we do what we love.

A good mentor would help you figure out your passion Click to Tweet

Coaching and mentoring

Although the terms coach and mentor are often used interchangeably, for clarity purposes, let’s make a distinction between receiving coaching and mentoring.

At the RSM Signature Event at MetLife participants celebrate a successful day of coaching and mentoring and great connections

At the RSM Signature Event at MetLife participants celebrate a successful day of coaching and mentoring and great connections

Coaching definition

According to Wikipedia, “Coaching is training or development in which a person called a coach supports a learner in achieving a specific personal or professional goal. The learner is sometimes called a coachee. (…) Coaching differs from mentoring in focusing on specific tasks or objectives, as opposed to general goals or overall development.”

It helps to think of a coach as someone paid by you or by your company to help you develop a particular skill or achieve a specific goal. For example, you might hire a coach to help you strengthen your communication or management style, or to help you become a good public speaker. There are all kinds of coaches and although you may think they are a luxury reserved for those who can pay an average $250 an hour, you can be part of our Step Up program for a very affordable price.

Mentoring definition

Mutual Mentoring inspirational quote by Mariela Dabbah, founder and CEO of the Red Shoe Movement

The mutual mentoring experience is more powerful the more diverse the parties involved.

Again, according to Wikipedia “Mentoring is a process for the informal transmission of knowledge, social capital, and the psychosocial support perceived by the recipient as relevant to work, career, or professional development; mentoring entails informal communication, usually face-to-face and during a sustained period of time, between a person who is perceived to have greater relevant knowledge, wisdom, or experience (the mentor) and a person who is perceived to have less (the protégé.)”

The concept of a “mentor” originally meant someone older who guided a child. The word “Mentor” itself comes from the name of a friend of Odysseus entrusted with the education of his son. But nowadays peer mentoring and mutual mentoring (which is at the core of the RSM methodology) are very common and equally if not more valuable than the traditional style of mentoring. A mentor is not only someone who can help you set your career goals bu,t most importantly, the person who helps you connect the dots, understand the unwritten rules and policies of an organization, figure out who the power brokers are, how to present your ideas so they are easily accepted, and so on.

Peer mentoring

Even when they are informal, peer mentoring relationships are powerful tools at your disposal. Colleagues who know more about how things are done, or about a particular process, for example, are a rich source of knowledge and guidance when you start working in a new department or project. The advantage of peer mentoring is that when done well, both parties grow together and have each other’s backs. You can practice peer mentoring with colleagues in your own organization or outside. Both options offer a multitude of advantages for your development.

Mutual mentoring definition

As I mentioned above, at the core of the RSM methodology is mutual mentoring. As a matter of fact, we call it RSM Mutual Mentoring Circles. It’s where Jen discovered that she only had one overarching passion. But you don’t need to be at one of our events to experience the effect of this type of mentoring. Mutual mentoring is about finding a person from whom you’d like to learn and who could learn something from you regardless of age, experience or seniority level. In fact, the more diverse the partners, the richer the experience as each person enters a new world and opens the door to her own world to the other party. Both individuals benefit and grow in the process. They are both invested in the relationship and interested in seeing the other person succeed. They both push each other’s agendas forward. A complete win-win situation.

MetLife Mutual Mentoring Circle about Executive Presence, facilitated by Lily Benjamin at RSM Signature Event 2015

Our RSM Mutual Mentoring Circles are a fantastic way to gain insights into your career to accelerate growth.

Mutual mentoring is also known as reciprocal mentoring. Here’s Lily Benjamin’s, A Global Talent, Organization Development and Change Management Executive,  take on it: “Reciprocal mentoring is a mutually beneficial relationship, based on a more egalitarian connection, regardless of the title of the Mentor or his/her level in the organization.  It is founded on the premise that we all have value to add; and mentors and mentees learn from each other.  The structure of it in itself promotes interconnection, synergy, and teamwork.  However, for this reciprocal relationship to be beneficial to both sides certain conditions needs to exist. Expectations need to be clearly defined, rules of engagement have to be agreed on, both parties need to be willing to learn from one another, trust needs to be established, and both parties need to be open to seeing situations from different angles.”

It’s never too early or too late to seek coaching and mentoring. It’s always the right time when you realize you must find a mentor or a coach to continue to challenge yourself and grow. That’s when you will take the full advantage of having someone who can help you get what you want. Never let your age or career stage stop you. Go for it!

 

 

3 Key Negotiation Strategies for Women

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Can women ever know enough negotiation strategies and tactics to ensure they get what they bargain for?

In this article, I share three negotiation strategies that women can use to get what they bargain for.

The gender pay gap is real and pervasive, and it affects all women. On average, full-time workingwomen earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man earns. Though Asian women are also impacted, for Latinas and most women of color is a lot worse.

Negotiation quote by Lily Benjamin - 'Generally speaking, while men negotiate salary, women compromise to avoid being stereotyped."

Being aware of your subconscious need to avoid being stereotyped, will help you improve your negotiation outcomes.

Latinas make 54% of what a white male makes. African-American women make 64%. This substantial gap persists even after education, industry, and work hours are taken into account.

Why women don’t negotiate salary offers?

Research shows that women are more reticent than men to negotiate salary offers. Women may fear being perceived as “pushy,” a social stereotype attributed to women who advocate for themselves in the workplace. This is interesting because studies show that the opposite occurs when women advocate for others; they are rewarded! Generally speaking, while men negotiate salary, women compromise to avoid being stereotyped.

Several studies reveal that the difference in men and women’s propensity to initiate negotiations may be explained by how each gender is treated when they attempt to negotiate. In other words, the propensity to negotiate salary is not necessarily linked to a lack of confidence or negotiation skills on the part of women, but to avoid being stereotyped as pushy.

Three key negotiation strategies that women can consider to successfully advocate for themselves

1Be aware of your personal negotiating style

Because I am a big advocate of self-awareness, I will first suggest that you become aware of your personal negotiation style. There are many negotiation style assessment tests, but a very common one looks at two dimensions: concern for the relationship or cooperativeness and concern for the outcome or assertiveness.

Negotiation diagram by Lily Benjamin

By identifying your negotiation style you’ll be able to devise negotiation strategies that suit you best

Look at the diagram and try to identify your negotiation style. Learn as much as possible about it, and learn different strategies on how to flex it depending on the situation. No one style is superior to another. What is important is that you know the style you are most confident with, and ideally that you have a sense of your counterpart’s style as well. Being able to identify a counterpart’s preferred style and to adapt your own style accordingly can be incredibly helpful in building productive relationships.

The Red Shoe Movement has an online Negotiation Style Quiz. Take it now!

2Know your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement)

Knowing your own BATNA is basic to negotiating salary an anything else you wish to negotiate. But knowing your counterpart’s BATNA is also critical to the success of your negotiation. After you know both parties BATNAs the best way to aim for a Win-Win is to find the Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA.)

BATNA diagram

Finding the Zone of Possible Agreement (ZOPA) is your best negotiation strategy for a win-win outcome

 

Here’s a great Harvard Business Review article about BATNA

3“Think personally, act communally”

After you identified your negotiating style and both parties’ BATNAs what is left is the dialog where you negotiate. Let’s learn from Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, and one of the highest paid executives in Silicon Valley, who once suggested that during negotiations you should “think personally, act communally.”

Sheryl Sandberg negotiation quote- Of course you realize that you're hiring me to run your deal teams, so you want me to be a good negotiator

When negotiating salary, make the value you will add to your organization known

This means that you should communicate your intent to negotiate and the value that this skill will add to the potential employer. For example, after stating her counteroffer, during her negotiations with Facebook Sandberg told them, “Of course you realize that you’re hiring me to run your deal teams, so you want me to be a good negotiator. This is the only time you and I will ever be on opposite sides of the table; I am clear that we are on the same team here.”  This was a persuasive “think personally, act communally” approach of her negotiation process.

Don't miss this earlier post on Salary Negotiation Strategies.

Another way of paraphrasing this dialog is, “This is a very appealing and competitive offer, and this part (be specific) of the compensation is short of my expectation by X amount. (Thinking personally.) Please understand that negotiating is one of the skills I will add to your team and one of the contributions I’ll make in the best interest of the company. (Acting communally.)”

Woman and Man shaking hands cartoon by Natchie

Aim for win-win situations. Drawing by Natchie for Red Shoe Movement. – www.NatchieArt.com

This “think personally, act communally” or “I-We” strategy will help you not only reach the ZOPA, but also show your confidence and leave a strong impression. Remember, preparation is the key to success. Prepare thoroughly, be clear about your choices, practice your pitch, and celebrate your success!

How asking for feedback can propel your career

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It’s hard to argue against the benefits of asking for feedback. Only by finding out other’s perceptions of your performance can you make the appropriate adjustments.

As this Harvard Business Review article points out, asking for feedback is an invaluable learning tool that we should use as a coaching device for ourselves and for others.

Recently, at the end of one of our RSM Step Up monthly coaching sessions, Jess, one of our members, asked: “How could I get my colleagues to tell me the negative things, not only the positive things?”

Feedback sign

Asking for feedback is the best way to grow in your career

It’s not always easy to get people to give you useful feedback. As a matter of fact, we could almost divide people in two groups. Those ready to commit honesticide (homicide by honesty) who would tell you the harshest truths without regard for the consequences, and those who’d rather protect the relationship and hold back telling you anything that could potentially offend you.

The thing is, people from the second group could be your best allies in fulfilling your career goals. If they shared with you opportunities for improvement you could substantially accelerate your growth. The secret lies in knowing how to ask for feedback.

Only by finding out other's perceptions of your performance can you make the appropriate adjustments

Asking for feedback is an art! Learn how to master it!

The art of asking for feedback

Asking for feedback and getting all the feedback is an art. Because you must convey that you want to hear the truth and that you are not just fishing for compliments. And so that we are clear, the art is not only in asking for feedback but in knowing how to receive it gracefully.

Here are a couple of examples that will help you move from receiving purely positive feedback to one that includes some negative aspects you can work on.

Asking for feedback the right way

Q— What did you think of my participation on the panel?

A— Wonderful! You had great energy up there!

Q— Is there something I could’ve done differently to be more impactful?

A— Well, perhaps you could’ve highlighted a bit more your team’s participation in reaching the goals.

Q— Ok. Anything else you would’ve done if you had been in my place?

A— Mmmm… Maybe I would’ve avoided making a joke about how badly women drive. I know it was a joke but it’s a stereotype and some people found it offensive.

What would you do if you were in my place? Do you want real feedback? Show your vulnerability!

Nothing like showing your vulnerability to receive both positive and negative feedback

Q— I’d like you to give me feedback on my performance and areas where I could improve.

A— You’ve grown a lot in the last six months and you’ve taken risks that have exposed you to new experiences. I think you’re on the right path.

Q— Thanks! It’s true that I’ve grown a lot but I have the impression that some of my colleagues don’t feel comfortable with me and I can’t figure out why. What am I missing?

A— Not sure what you’re referring to…

Q— They don’t ask me to take part in their projects and although they are very diplomatic with me, something is off. What have you noticed? What have you heard them say about me? It would really help me understand their perception of me to make any necessary changes.

A— Well, sometimes you come across as very critical of others. I’m not sure if it’s because you have high expectations or why but people resent it when you seldom have a word of recognition for a job well done, yet you always have a critical comment at the ready.

Q— Ah… thanks for your honesty. Sometimes, I think my biggest contribution to the team is to notice what doesn’t work. You know, what works well already works. It’s a mistake on my part and I will change.

Feedback sign

If you want to accelerate career growth you should seek the input of those you work with.

The key of getting this kind of more nuanced feedback is to be vulnerable and dig beyond the initial comments. Make the person feel comfortable enough with you so they take the risk of sharing any negative feedback that they anticipate you taking too hard. And of course, the second key is that this exercise only works if you are open and drop any defenses. The moment you start denying what someone is telling you, you can be sure that person will never talk to you honestly again.

Asking for feedback has so many advantages that once you get over the natural aversion most people have to hearing constructive criticism you’ll identify many more opportunities to continue your development.

This is exactly the type of coaching we do at the RSM Step Up Program. Check it out!